Dinner with D; reflection

OK, well so far, not too much new but strangely that's not a bad thing. Last night went out for a mini pre-emptive celabratory dinner with my best girl friend to chase the past year away with a couple of drinks, some Great steak and a beautiful view of the city from the top of the Tower restaurant. Apparently my lawyer has the 'money' in trust (which is a really huge thing) and things will finally be over.



It's been a Long while since i've even gone out (so darn busy with designing for Fiddler on the Roof, work, work, work) it was pretty exciting. So, have to stop at the theatre on the way home, traffic is horrible-snow everywhere, get home at 6:45PM, D is picking me up at 7:30 as our reservation is for 8:30. 10 minutes into the drive DT, i realize that i'm pretty sure i left my curling iron on (i was using it to straiten my already poker strait hair... long story) and drive back in the blizzard which now makes us later. Get DT and try to find parking.... fun... so finally we find the enterance to the parkade and even in the SUV, we're spinning out going up the 5 story ramp - (WHY do they design stuff like that I'll never understand... COVER IT-IT SNOWS HERE: LOTS). Get lost in the parkade and cant find the tower... find it and get up to the top... and now have to wander through corridors and +15's to find the darn place...



So the restaurant spins. Now, I did know this but didn't realize it REALLY messes you up!!! Add to that wine and 'oh-dear'! Fun-fun :)



Dinner was amazing, dessert was decadent mmmm.... Conversation: tears, laughs... so we take a quick jaunt up a floor following dinner (thank-you to my Ex's dad for the $150.00 anniversary gift-card two years ago that I finally got to use...) to look out over the city... they have a glass floor and from 500+ feet up it's kinda freeky but so amazing. tee hee - i can walk all over that, and feel like jumping - (not in the 'bad' way, just exhillarated) not scared but getting me in the elevator for the ride down - hello PANIC!



Have to re-find the vehicle and go home to get my car and drive to a dance studio to meet our choreographer (for the play) and look at costumes for my Russians.

It's 11:30 at night people...
It's cold.
I LIKE my sleep.

Didn't get into bed until 1:30 and had to set my alarm and leave it Across the room so I'd actually have to get up to turn it off which I had hoped would wake me up. Some calls me at 6:45 am, (of course, no message) alarm goes off like 5 times and yes, I actually made it to work (almost) on time.



Last night was really good though, best night I've had in a long time. was good to be able to look back at the past year (plus) and reflecting on how fortunate I really am despite all the chaos, was kinda cathartic and all; it's been hell honestly, but true to the saying 'if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger' and even if it comes close to killing you, it really DOES make you stonger.



I guess I should start at the beginnning... too long: Fell in love, and got married (yes, my eyes were open), but it's amazing that sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees, and wow did things change fast. 5 years later I understand what abuse is all about...

The beginning of the end: go on vacation with my family for a 'mini-break' before he joins me down south, changes his mind two weeks into me being out of the country and locks me out of the house. Fun. So i get home another 3 weeks later, scrambling; Have no money left, won't give me my car, clothes; am recovering from a semi-major accident so have no job and 'lovely' need to find a new place to live.



I'll forever be grateful to MANY people for the 'shoulders' and kind encouragement to get through the first 2 weeks and sure-enough, land squarely on my own two feet, broke but remembering what it's like to smile and laugh through the tears and enjoy hard work.



I'll never be as proud of myself as I was last week, neartly a year later: knowing that i did the absolute Best that I could at being a wife; having no regrets for continuing to try and make it work, even after everything he did; grateful that although my great ambition in life was to be a mom, we didn't have kids; knowing that I was going to be okay, no matter what b/c I could CHOOSE to be; and willing to walk away from a 300K+ 'marriage' with absolutely nothing but my legal fees & car paid for (20K) and my life, happiness and hope.



I feel hope again.