i'm booked for Nashville in March and freaking out about it.
i've been laying here in bed for over an hour tossing and turning wondering if this really is the road i want to go down for the next however many years of my life or if i just really want to get rid of the 'socially acceptable' crap in my life and run away and experience life for a few years first...
i'm not into money and think that we mass consumerise so much to our detriment that it ruins us. yes - it is a necessity, but there is a limit. i just can't help but think - will it ruin me? will it become so all consuming that i'll just get lost in it? is it really going to make me happy or am i chasing a pipe dream? trying to convince someone to hand over or initally invest 100K into this project especially in the market we're in is freaking me out! what happens if this bombs? i can handle the risk to my own (not that i'd be thrilled about it) but someone elses hard earned cash is something else entirely. i'm already working 2 jobs to save and live and i'm back at zero with the possibility of not having a job in 6 months (gotta love CCA/Chapter 11) so quite honestly i'm considering getting a pub waitress job just to save enough to keep this project going if i can't secure the funding and having a 'souvenier' worth $200,000+ is not something i relish, especially if i end up 'mortgageing' it if it tanks. don't even want to CONSIDER my work schedule if that happens... Trying to mentally categorize pros and cons is just overwhelming but i just can't seem to stop!
i love the quotes on the cups from starbucks, and funny i was thinking that i keep getting the same one over and over... it's a grande cup that says something like 'failure is hard, but sucess is harder - being sucessful at the wrong thing will wrap you up so tightly you'll never be able to leave it'. i think that's what terrifies me.
not the commitment part about it, but the losing of ones soul along the way. am i prepared to do that - no. but do i take the risk???
a friend once told me that some doors only open once and never again, but having the courage to go through or the wisdom to shut it is the hardest decision of all, and i am here right now. follow you heart - your dreams - but at what 'cost' - & i'm not talking about monetary here...
at this point, i have invested 11K of my own money (not like i have much here okay & this was my cushion which no longer exists...) which should i not be able to secure capital, is gone. that's enough for me to live abroad simply for 2 years while working part-time. i've told 4 people about this and none of my family which is really sad, but unfortunately i'm on my own with this one so no positive suport from that corner. of all the responses from people that 'know' T. has been the best... maybe b/c it was like a 'hug' "as long as it's your dream honey, it's mine too" - the solid support of either way it goes - i'm just panicky!
Would love a little advice from someone who's 'been there', cause i'm feeling like i just jumped off a cliff and my parachute isn't opening...
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